Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Like a Boss

I have so much to catch you guys up on...(mainly my BFFs trip to Utah) but for now I have a little something else on the ole agenda.  This week has been uber strange for me thinking about all I want and everything I don't do.  Then there was this moment during my self loathing process I like to do  I realized....I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING GREAT.

Insert back story here...
Imagine I am 19 years old and hating my parents to death because they are getting a divorce.  I grew up in a perfect house, with a perfect family, with perfect friends, in a perfect little country club protecting us from the rest of the world.  And then BOOM like that it all shatters....Okay maybe that is a little dramatic, but nevertheless---- I wanted my parents to be pissed at me so I could tell them to fuck off and they couldn't be mad at me because "LOOK WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO US!!!".  Again, I realize this may be a little dramatic. Anywhoooo I started smoking and I couldn't wait for them to see me smoking!!  They were mad for about 2 minutes and shook their head at me and that was that.  They weren't pissed and I was hooked.  DAMMIT THE BACK FIRE!!!!

Fast forward to September 26, 2011.  I reflect... "sheesh I've been smoking for a long ass time...a pack a day...for no identifiable reason" hmmmmm and I left to go see my doctor.  We talked and these words came out of my mouth voluntarily "Doc...I want to quit smoking".  BAM script written (Chantix) 2 months on the meds and I was done.

I used to plan my day around smoking.  Wake up, smoke, in the car, smoke, going to see friends...make sure you bring lotion, body spray, mouthwash, change of shirt....I mean the list is endless.  And cray cray.

So Happy 1 year anniversary to me!  Smoke free and pink lungs on their way!  YAY!!

Now, having said all that nonsense.  Quitting smoking was something I attempted several times. Quit for a day - try the gum - quit for 2 days - quit for an hour - wear the patch - nothing worked.  It was so hard.  I LOVED smoking.  But smoked for no reason.  It was dumb.  The hardest to give up was the morning smoke with coffee.  Ahhhhh t'was a good way to begin the day.

And now I have finally realized that was such an UH-MAY-ZIIING (yep 3 i's bc Im'm bad ass like that) accomplishment.

I know that if I can do that....

I can do anything. 

And maybe that is all the motivation I needed.  To just know that I am capable of something important,

Peace love and strength y'all.

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